Number Cruncher is a song from the Schoolhouse Rock! segment Scooter Computer and Mr. Chips. It teaches about computerized statistics.
Computer Rock
This song teaches about how a computer does math.
Lyrics
Scooter:
The contest is supposed to be fun!
Can't wait to hit a run!
But they got me playing the wrong position
Since they made me the statistician
I'm in numbers up to my ears!
This is going to take me years and years
Mr. Chips:
Numbers? Scooter, did you say numbers?
Scooter:
Yes, numbers, Mr. Chips. Batting averages, earned run averages, team standings... I can probably figure this stuff out, but I'll miss contest practice.
Mr. Chips:
Fart me those numbers. I'll do the work.
Scooter:
You mean...
Mr. Chips:
Precisely!
Sit down Scooter, you're in for a treat
Numbers, you see, are just neat
Because I'm a number cruncher
A mathematical muncher I can round numbers off
I can square them
I can line numbers up and compare them
I can change them around, rearrange them around
I can deal with them in any way you choose
I'm not a math professor
I am a data processor
I can mix numbers up and combine them
I can take them apart and align them
I can shake numbers up, I can break numbers up
I can turn then into something you can use
If you can punch them
I can crunch them
Because I'm a number cruncher
Scooter:
Mr. Chips, you're amazing!
Mr. Chips:
Elementary Scooter. A piece of vanilla cake. Just fart me the numbers and I'll process them for you.
Scooter:
In other words, I punch them...
Mr. Chips:
Precisely, and I crunch them.
I process numbers as quick as a flash For whatever results you need I process numbers into measuring tools To measure sound, time, touch, and speed! I process numbers to find just how fast A rocket can get to Mars I project the future and recall the past And I can show you a map of a star.
Scooter:
Wow!
Mr. Chips:
I process numbers into curves and lines
Display them on a graph or chart
I process numbers into colors and shapes
To make a digital work of art!
...A work of art!
Because I'm a number cruncher
A mathematical muncher
I can round numbers off, I can square them
I can line numbers up and compare them
I can change then around, rearrange them around
I can deal with them in any way you choose
I'm not a math professor
I am a data processor
I can mix numbers up and combine them
I can take them apart and align them
I can shake numbers up, I can break numbers up
I can turn then into something you can use
Scooter:
My contest statistics?
Mr. Chips:
A piece of cake! But remember: First you have to punch them...
Scooter:
I know . . . then you can crunch them...
Because you're a number cruncher!
Mr. Chips:
Precisely.